Mind Noise – and would Love stop this?
This post is more about the state of my mind and how I am dealing, coping with things that surround me. Post the attack several things have transpired. Its been a month and in a way it feels like a year.
FYI www.baware.in has been created as the web version of the group – Fearless Karnataka. The group brings together individuals and orgs that have a stake in the vision of a fearless state for women. Its a motley crew of lawyers, artists, activists and do-gooders. Over all a great way to move forward and make things happen.
Me – I have been weighing all sorts of considerations. First off, I was deeply enmeshed in the activities and activism of the group. Until one day I stopped to think – this is not me. I thrive on positive and creative energy. Activism in the arts and culture space is something that I am more prone towards. Secondly – I am not convinced that this is the cause that I want to be martyred to. Yeah, being a responsible citizen and reacting towards the attack by talking to the press and the police is as far as I will go. The rest I will look at through my work, if I feel so inclined. Thirdly, my association and support of this group will be more and more removed – I do think that I have other battles and focus point to look out for. And lastly, I will continue to do any work related to womens’ concerns as far as working with the police and communities directly goes.
So that be my stance. I do not think that being a victim naturally means that I must then change the course of my life and its goals towards this issue. In fact, if it does something to me, it will be naturally apparent in my work and the things I engage with in the future.
This whole issue has forced me to think of actions and their consequences. It has changed my reaction and interaction with the city and with strangers. I feel constantly threatened on the streets. I feel that the streets are filled with violence and hatred. That anger and frustration is clogging and colouring this land that I call mine.
I really want to do something that transforms how Bangalore feels to me and others like me…something that will change my feeling that our streets are filled with hate.
I just saw the Helloearth Project by Vera Maeder. It brought tears to my eyes…something about that idea and seeing the world that has always been around you, surrounding you, sometimes slowly choking you, but now with the eyes, ears and body of oneself and others in a way that is so different was beautiful. It is a really poetic idea. I feel that an idea like this can be transformative and healing to people who have suffered, who have faced violence and anger in their everyday lives on these everyday streets. Perhaps in the conveying of love and caring on the same streets that you were violated on would do something for you? Perhaps in seeing that people care for each other, that they will spend those few hours to make any person passing through this invisible reality a beautiful experience will transform the hate into peace? Maybe…maybe not…I guess in the doing of it I will know?
If I can scrape up the energy, I would like to do a version of this project in Blore. by its nature is a performative intervention that address only a small audience. I would like to work with the victims of the attacks and see how they would react to being part of this project. I see no hurried time-line towards this end goal. In fact, I refuse to be pressured into doing this now or at some specific time…I would like it to gestate and grow and morph into something that might happen perhaps sometime over this year…or the next…or never…
My first step would be to talk to the girls that this happened too and see how they would feel if such a performance would work for them…